| bye cam |
[19 Nov 2008|03:39pm] |
i feel really sad right now.. my bestfriends leaving for L.A. tom.. i know its just a two hour drive away from san diego but its different havng her here. like waking up , coming home from work and just spending time with her. i keep thinking about my life before she came here and all i rememebr was how i cry everyday for some unknown reason. and i get stuck at home. at least its gonna be different now. me being a full time worker at kaiser. at least ill get busy with homeworks and lessons and stuffs.
im not sad about her leaving. im sad about us taking the next step to adulthood. like i know when we see each other agian its gonna be different. its like saying goodbye to our "immaturity"but knowing cam and i.. i know no matter how long we dont see each other nothing's gonna change between us.
please god, take care of her.. watch over her like you have watched over me .she needs guidance and strength to continute her journey.
i love you cam. i know ur probably not gonna read this. but you know.. in case u do.. i really love you. and thanks for being there for my birthday, for answering my boys' calls and buzzes in ym.hahahaha. i love you!
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| i mis mark |
[13 Jun 2008|11:46am] |
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i miss mark. and theres no other way or better way to say it. i miss just seeing him, just looking at him, his face, his eyes. his smile. how i want to hug him right now. the things ill give up to see him for a minute right now. i jsut want to be with him. listen to him laugh. see his eyes laugh. its harder at night. thats when everyone's asleep and your left to empty yourself out with tears. the way i hug my pillow tight while looking at our pictures. its enough to make someone crazy. i jsut want a glimpse of him. i miss his vanity and how he fixes his hair. does he miss me or even think of me this much. doesnt matter. i dont care. its not that he misses me thats the point. its me missing him. i've never missed anyone like this before. i want to count teh days, the months, but i know keeping an ordinal on them wont help shorten the time. i'm selfish. im angry at his officemates , im angry at his bestfriend. no not at that them. at the time spent that i could ahve spent. how they see him everyday when i cant. let me be selfish just on this part. i mis him. is there a medicine for missing someone. these are the things that american dreams can never replace. leaving someone behind in the hopes of seeing them again is ..simply hoping. but i do know i'll see him again. and i do know he'll still be mine when i do see him again. its not trust he wanted from me.. he jsut wanted my faith.. and i do have faith. thats why i know ill see him again. in a few months. and he'll still be mine . because thats our love. and hoping against hope that there wont come a time when ill have to eat my words. i lvoe you mark. i love you and i miss you and i wish there's a better way of saying it. i wish u can see the contents of my heart and how they metamorphically shout your name . but you cant. so just listen to my words when i say this, just read the letters as I write this.. I MISS YOU
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| =,( |
[12 Jun 2008|02:39am] |
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i mis you too much i cant write about it.
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| the only person i trust |
[08 Apr 2007|12:58pm] |
the only person i can trust. not from my family. not my mom not my dad. someone who was randomly introduced to me by God. someone who has been there four years of my high school and never even touched my life then. someone who, presently speaking, changed my life.
cam.
i never knew one person, in a world, a universe of people, can show so much loyalty. for the first time in my whole life, i learned to trust someone. i didnt learn that from my parents, my sisters, my boyfriend.. i learned it from someone i never even thought of befriending years ago. i never knew someone like her actually existed. you know how even after you wreck your whole life there's still one person who will always be there for you. even if you start doing the craziest things you never thought you can do, revealing your DARKEST secrets, being the wildest being you can ever be, runining other people's lives, actually ruining her life. its like going out going wild as a kid, breaking an arm and knowing that there will always ALWAYS be one person ready to take you back. ready to clean your wounds, help you heal, loving you despite the bruises and the broken bones, accepting you despite the dirt on your face and everywhere else, just seeing you for who you really are.. and im so damn lucky i found that person. cam. she forgave me even when i cant forgive myself, she hugged me when i thought i didnt want to be hugged. she listened and laughed at my crazy stories when other people would have looked away in disgust. helping me find myself when i was so lost. i imagine burning in hell, getting punished for being the ass i was, waiting for anyone to help and save me , and then this hand just appears and i hear a voice "kat kunin mo kamay ko" and ill look up and see cam's face. i know it sounds cheesy but believe me, the things we've been through... you'll be amazed by her kindness and selflessness. im like this trash no one wanted to touch and there she was picking me up and finding some substance in me.
you dont know and now im telling you.. thank you.. you may not understand this but you saved my life. with my weakness almost swallowing me alive, i could have died. but you saved me. by forgiving me and i will always always thank you for that. and i will always always owe you that much. it might be a little thing to you, but you actually saved a life. and you used to say you wont make a gud nurse, trust me cam, you already are. and in case no one has ever told you this, you are a miracle.
for the first time in a long time, i finally trusted someone.i actually thought things will eventually be ok. i actually felt saved.
thank you.
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| graduation. |
[25 Mar 2007|10:13pm] |
in line with all those graduating people this year.. hehe this was wat leaving high school for me was. and now, one more year and ill be graduating from college. i have to say.. my happness in high school was waaaay different in college. was it more real? or just more innocent?
s4 will definitely remain in my memory bank. that one's for sure. maybe for now i can say that s4 is the best or sandiwa is the best because i havent been to other classes yet.. but as far as i know they have contributed a big part in my life's happiness. so one more sleep and its all really over. over in terms of no longer seeing my batchmate's faces on the corridors, over in terms of no longer stealing burgers from the manangs (ok that was in third year), in terms of no longer being able to ask the manang from the shake to refil my cup with one peso, no longer hearing the manang gard say "fourth year pin ung ID" whenever i enter the screening gate in the morning, no longer being able to lie down on those green classroom floors during lunch or hearing my classmates' shouts "pahingi" and running to the person who's caught holding a plastic of food or whatever.or saying "pasubo", no longer riding a van with them to go to outreaches or riding the bus with them for field trips and retreat, and having to escape being the cleaners of the week, or seeing the manang at 2 in the afternoon cleaning the CR and me asking if i can u know, do my stuff..hehe. no longer seeing my classmates or batchmates cover their ears whenever i shout my oh so soft "FLELURR!!!!" or be it "FLE-FLE-FLE-FLELUUUUUUUURRR" whichever way you put it, and no longer knocking on other classes' door asking "nandito ba si ganito?" or "asan si sumone?" or doodling on the blackboard, no more teachers you can joke around as much as we joke around with Ms. osila, or Sir Trogo or toli or all the other teachers,no more having people understand what joe pod means and realting to "sux and funky shoes" no more bea santos to kiss me on the cheek everytime i pass by her on the hallways, no more patria to say "NO!" evrytime i ask sumthin from her such as candy mentos or mnm's, no more corridors to pass filled with people who call ceska and i tuck and roll, corridors where i see claire and bonk her real HARD on the head and shout FSB lives, where i see cori and clap hands with her when she passes by, no more grad practices wer jenny b. will tease me for having "HD" on tinayab, no more having baba around to squeeze me real hard or push me when called a bitch, no more having recess with lola and lunch with thea and the rest of those lunchmates, no more having preng around every day and telling her to eat lunch because she might have ulcer, no more having mon around everyday and asking her "ok ka lang??" no more shouting "miss ako po!!" just so u can get recitation, no more "quiet lang kayo para may star tayo" during computer classes, no more shifting chairs during PROSEC and accounting,no more shouting el fili notes and panicking when there's a quiz no more having alma shout "quiet kayo parating na si miss o!!", no more hearing mon say to mrs sulit "bat kayo galit na galit??" or seeing verlyn and telling her "naiiyak ka na naman" no more entering the cr during breaks and seeing cha or abby anyone else and hearing them say "naku kat yan ka na namn!!" no more seeing fatfat and giving her the hugs iv promised her last year, no more going inside the computer room just so i can make "palamig" , and no longer seeing ms mendoza and shouting ms meeeeeeeeeeeeeen at the top of my lungs until another teacher says "shhh anu ba yan! grabe naman yun!" no more passing by toli and saying miss na kita! , and seeing mrs bern and hearing her say "girls pagmoments of silent walang ginagawa..ilan beses na ba paulit ulit ito ah" or hearing tol say "akin na yan belt mo isasabit ko sa leeg mo" to moya, no longer hearing lag say "kattykatkatkattykatyafternoon" , no more shouting "mRS dino mrs dino.." whenever she passes, and no more shouting "sinong may stapler?or extra ballpen?" or whatever inside the classroom and then hearing a teacher comment saying "anu ba yan ?magtetest walang ballpen, or walang one fourth or crosswise..or whatever size of pape may it be, over in those terms but not really because when you meet a new pesron and make a sarcastic remark or say "anong dale..or diyos ko lord" or dance when u hear the song Happy, or say "sorry ah arogante kami eh" or make lait the people who are kalait lait.. or say "ay hindi siguro noh?" or all those other s4 "jolog lines" then ull realize that its not realy over yet. that it still lives sumwhere inside you. though u can no longer see it but when you act those attitudes you have inherited from your batchamtes, you will realize that there is no possble way can anyone kill or remove that mark of being the member of the best batch any individual can be in.. yeap thats batch 2004.. sniors 2004. s4 that is. the batch i was in for four years..short yes but definitely one hell of a four year lifetime to live.
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| me being honest |
[31 Oct 2006|12:19am] |
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i really miss daff and cam.. a lot more than i thought i do. i miss them so much it kills
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[06 Sep 2006|12:07am] |
In a brief conversation,
a man asked a woman
he was pursuing the question:
"What kind of man are you looking for?"
She sat quietly for a moment before
looking him in the eye and asking,
"Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said "Yes."
She began to expound...
"As a woman in this day and age,
I am in a position to ask a man
what he can do for me that I can't do for myself.
I pay my own bills. I take care of my household
without the help of any man...
or woman for that matter.
I am in the position to ask,
"What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her.
Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
She quickly corrected his thought and stated,
"I am not referring to money.
I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for perfection
in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms,
and asked her to explain.
She said "I am looking for someone
who is striving for excellence mentally
because I need conversation and mental
stimulation.
I don't need a simple-minded man.
"I am looking for someone
who is striving for excellence spiritually
because I don't need to be unequally yoked...
believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for
disaster.
"I need a man who is striving for excellence
financially because I don't
need a financial burden.
"I am looking for someone
who I can respect. In order to be submissive,
I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a
man
who isn't taking care of his business.
I have no problem being submissive...
he just has to be worthy.
"God made woman to be a help mate for man.
I can't help a man if he can't help himself."
When she finished her spill, she looked at him.
He sat there with a puzzled look on his face.
He said, "You are asking a lot."
She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
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| tiiiiiiired |
[30 Aug 2006|04:30pm] |
God its soooooo hot today!!! it was really hot in the center! superduper and since it's vaccination day today there's an extra bigger crowd than the usual. mothers for checkups, babies for immunizations. a lot lot lot. the numbering reached until 60+. but it was cool. the babies are so cute whenever they cry and fall asleep after like five seconds whenever they're given the BCG or DPT. hehe. i love it when their faces crumple =) sadista. haha.. tapos there was a fight between this mother and the nurse in charge of the registration. and three of us were there to witness and prove that the nurse was right. sobrang weird. sobrang sigawan hanggang sa lumabas ung doctor and everyone else. grbae. mahiya nga ung nanay na un. then finally lunch break then back to the center. mycobacterium tuberculae in the air. hehe. its soooooooo hooooooooot.
got home and my mom surprised with caramel frapp which iv been craving and was thinking about passing by starbucks to buy one. buti na lang i went straight home. =) yey!
yesterdays tests were fine. i hope i pass. sobrang in my whole college life wala pa ata akong pinapasa Community health na test coz its fucking boring!!! i swear i never studied for any community test. i really wish i pass just this once coz i studied for this . first time. and if i fail again im goin to be sooooo disappointed with myself. OB test was ... hmm i dont want to say it was easy coz then i might fail. but i probably have like 5o sure answers so that should keep me safe plus my lucky guesses if there's any. sigh. if i pass im goin to treat my booboo. hahah. i cant treat myself coz i already bought two blouses one from kamiseta and from bayo two weeks ago. im goin to burn those if i fail. hahaha. wag naman . sigh tired tired. goin to download songs then probably sleep or read for MS.
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[22 Apr 2006|12:20am] |
40+ means you're spoiled:
Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone
( ) a television in your bedroom
(2) an iPod/MP3 player
( ) a photo printer
( ) your own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
( ) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
( ) DVD player in bedroom
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
( ) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
( ) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
( ) a working dishwasher
( ) an icemaker
( ) a working washer and dryer
( ) more than 20 pairs of shoes
(3) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
(4) a gym membership
( ) large exercise equipment at home
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
( ) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(5) wealthy family members
(6) two or more family cars
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry
(7) a yard
( ) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(8) good credit
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
(9) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(10) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)
( ) a stock portfolio
(11) passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
(12) private medical insurance
(13) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans --> graduating soon!
Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
(14) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
(15) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
( ) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
(16) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
(17) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don't need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
(18) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner
Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don't get your way
( ) been on a cruise
(19) traveled out of the country
(20) met a celebrity
( ) been to the Caribbean
) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
( ) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast
Did you:
( ) go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
(21) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
(22) attend private school
( ) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you (debut at 18, actually) haha
talk about simplicity
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[18 Apr 2006|10:48pm] |
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summer IS STRESS
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| just to show you how lame i am |
[14 Apr 2006|10:36pm] |
I Am: my turtles master
I Will: type and type
I Miss: Mmy friends!!!! cloverrrrr aylabyoO!!!
I Hear: the tv sounds
I Smell: green tea lotion
I Crave: definitely not the reader
I Worry: about nothing
I Regret: loving you
I Love: mikmikoy claire cathy cam daffid clover loofoo sleep
I Always: eatablities
I Dance: the chicken dance
I Sing: in the car hehehe
I Dream: of making out with different people. hahahahha
I Can't Stand: phypocrites backstabbers and people who have nohting better to talk about.. i count in all of those heehehee
I Lose: at 21 with popot
I Like: hair conditioners
I Listen: to the voice
I Can Usually Be Found: in front of the computer
I Need: to write with sense
I Know: something you dont know.
I Hope: i dont fuck up in summer class
I Want: to sing and ballroom
I Obsess: my zahir
I Am Always: pooping
I Wish: i havce never met you
I Cry: everyday
I Fell: down the stairs
I Believe: the children are the future
I can’t: believe your there and im here
I lost: my smart sim card
I saw: another globe sim card
I found: you
I survived: 1 year and four months with you
I wish: again?
I think: therefore i am
I am:dont you have better things to ask
I have: myself
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| =`( |
[10 Apr 2006|03:55pm] |
i need someone to cry on and listen to what i want to say .. need it badly. cathy claire lets see each other . claire. saturday trip to magallanes. =( i need you guys. where is everyone when you need them?
this sucks. you look down at the list of al the people you know and you end up having no one to really talk to. have you ever felt this kind of loneliness. you have everyone you ever wanted.. and yet you have no one. you know people and yet your lonely. so you end up realizing that the only person you can rely on is yourself.
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[04 Apr 2006|06:11am] |
i told my mom i havent talked to mark for like three days? she said "baka nakalimutan ka na". an email would do. kahit hi baby lang.kahit nga hi lang eh wala ng baby. ganu ba kahirap un. anu un aalis ako without hearing from him. bad trip.
my sisters are here. =) i had TERRIBLE headache last night. migrain.TERRIBLE. i cried myself to sleep.
GOD WHWERE THE FUCK IS HE?
claire olivares. im afraid he doesnt miss me as much as i miss him. god i can cry just thinking about it. im such a piss coz im a whiner
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[02 Apr 2006|09:56pm] |
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oh my god.. we turned on the tv when we got home and now theres a tornado warning. and its going to hit downtown.. kung san kami galing. waaaah. they said to take it seriously and go down the basement. right now sobrang lakas ng rain sa labas. maybe i should turn off this computer. may damage reports na .. a tree fell, etc.. flying debris. we were just there kanina ah
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| spice girls |
[01 Apr 2006|01:58pm] |
ALBUM: Spice
Track: Wannabe
Say You'll Be There | 2 Become 1 | Love Thing | Last Time Lover | Mama | Who Do You Think You Are | Something Kinda Funny | Naked | If You Can't Dance
Wannabe
Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigzag ha.
If you want my future forget my past,
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,
Now don't go wasting my precious time,
Get your act together we could be just fine
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.
What do you think about that, now you know how I feel,
Say you can handle my love, are you for real,
I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try,
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.
Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want I wanna,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.
So here's a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me
you gotta listen carefully,
We got Em in the place who likes it in your face,
we got G like MC who likes it on an
Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady,
and as for me ha ha you'll see
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around.
If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.
If you wanna be my lover you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta Make it last forever slam, slam, slam, slam
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and zigazig-ah.
If you wanna be my lover.
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| =) |
[31 Mar 2006|09:44pm] |
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im in chicago now having a blast with my cuzin joy =) we're coooL! hehe. whataday!! =) tom we're goin downtown kami 2 lng wooow pinayagan siya !!! himalaa!!! hope we dont go down the wrong stop. hehehe. she keeps singing bebot here. wah. sorta sick coz we ran many blocks under the rain.heehee.
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| nba |
[31 Mar 2006|01:25am] |
talo naman tambak pa hmmph. for pictures check out my multiply.
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[28 Mar 2006|11:25am] |
amsobord and my fingers are cold . but you know what? im havnig fun! =) promise! =) im loving this kind of life. =) away from everything =) yeah! =) sobrang saya ! im not sarcastic about this i swear. =) yey!!!!!!!!!=)
( whatever )
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| coooooooold |
[28 Mar 2006|11:08am] |
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ang lamiiiiiiiiiig. how come the more i stay here the more na parang lumalamig! hay end of winter kasi gnaun daw tlaga . mas malamig pagpatpos na. ang lamig =( imstarting to sneeze from teh cold. anywy i woke up at ten, my dad woke me up again.he woke me up twice, ung isa mas maaga hahaha pero i just went "mmm" then slept again. so i took a bath then ate the heated breakfast (from my dad) ALONE. argh. im so lonely. haha. i was eating alone coz they were done and doin something else. my aunt left, my grandma's somwhere. my dad's watching, even the cat's busy. =( but anyway, i didnt feel like eating so i put all the food back in the ref. then i fixed my stuffs and now listening to my dad snore. i think we'll go downtown again. we're watching the concert on sunday. i dont even know who will be singing. mdami daw eh and its free coz its part of the ncaa finals which will be held here in indiana. yey! how come i dont have any appetite here? weird. maybe after my monthly visitor ill start eating like a pig again. cold. darndamnit. but i like it a looooooooooooot better than the heat back there. i like the cold better than the heat anywhere. =) kaya ok lang. hehe. paguwi ko naman angcomplain ko njaman ang iniiiiiiit. mas ok na ung malamig at least we can wear layers. pagmainit you cant walk around wearing nothing ! hahaha
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| oopsie theres a poopsie |
[27 Mar 2006|07:13pm] |
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heehee. this morning we went to ss admin then walked more than five blocks to the circle center mall. i was freezing and i had these layers and layers of warm clothes. darn. then went to the mall andwalked around feeling lonely. thenw aited for my aunt. then had some dessert. went grocery. went home. now listening to gary v. i wish i had someone with me right now. sigh. im bored. at least theres lucky who wont be lucky soon cozim gonna kil her . yey!
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